I am not talking to the man in my life. And though it might sound emotionally erratic and petty I have a right to remain silent and I am choosing to do so.
It started out with me not knowing how to express myself. I was going through some emotional confusion. I was torn up about flirting outside of my relationship. It was harmless internet flirting on the surface but the fantasies that arose from some of the conversation had me feeling like I was in the midst of a bigger betrayal. I did not want to feel like I had betrayed my Man, but I didn’t know if I should talk to him about it and if so how.
Days went by and the silence I chose to exercise proved to be a sound decision. I had stopped thinking about the “flirt,” and was focused on my Man and the great thing we had together. Simultaneously in the course of these few days, life decided to get a little rough for me.
I had tried to gather my thoughts and when I no longer could find my center on my own I turned to my partner for some support. I did not ask him to fix my problems. I expected him to be there, if only to listen. I needed to feel like we could communicate if nothing else.
He listened. He gave no encouraging words of comfort, not even a, “it will be okay.” I asked him what he thought might make him happy in the future. He said he did not know. I said he should have a vague ideal of something that he wanted, in the future. He said, “I don’t know.”
Now I am not talking to the man in my life because I feel like there is no point. If he can’t communicate, even vaguely, then I don’t see why I need to interact with him at all right now. I rely on being able to talk with my mate to get through problems. It’s this interaction that’s intimate for me. What is left when this is gone?
